Friday, September 26, 2014

You only fight, when you care.

At lunch today with my friend we were talking about arguing with friends and family. She said, "You really only fight with the people you really love, because if you stop fighting, it means you don't care as much."

I never thought about it that way, but she's right. We fight with those we are intimate with, those that we have a connection. If someone cares enough to tell you how they feel and you don't reciprocate with your own feelings, then you probably don't really care about the relationship. If you don't want to do the work to make things better, you don't really care.

A lot of people say that relationships shouldn't be hard, and to a point I agree, but I think what isn't being said is that relationships shouldn't be abusive, but they might be hard. Working at a relationship just means you care. One person cannot fix a relationship, the energy and effort has to be reasonably equal or it won't get better.

I have a lot of personal baggage that I brought into my relationship with Pedar. We work hard at communicating and taking care of one another. The first few years of our relationship were damn hard. We didn't agree on a lot of things, but we loved one another enough to work REALLY hard so we both could be happy. Pedar likes to avoid conflict. I don't like to avoid anything. I know that ultimately if I stop having hard conversations, I will stop having meaningful conversations and ultimately my relationships will not mean anything. I don't want that.

Cheers to healthy LOUD conversations. Speak, even if your voice shakes. What do you have to lose? Better YET! What do you have to gain?????

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