Wednesday, August 26, 2015

All the time in the world

I need to figure out how to be more patient so I can be a better parent. I find myself losing my cool too much. For example, when I ask Casey to do something, he almost always replies with, "What does Erik have to do?" 

I remember seeing this couple on Dr. Phil a long time ago. The wife on the show reminds me of Casey because she made a list of all the chores/stuff she did and a list of everything her husband did, and her list was crazy longer so she was very ANGRY. Dr. Phil said, "Is that list you made working for you? Is that helping your marriage?" He would follow up with, "Your on my show so making this list can't be working for you."

I wish that in these moments I have with Casey, I could be funnier and tease him more about his response to me, but depending on the time of day, I don't have any patience left in my reserves. I wish I would respond with, "Once upon a time there was a boy named Casey who put off what he was asked to do, so one morning he woke up and found he was left in the woods. The end." Then I should laugh like a crazy person, because I am a crazy person.

I am writing this because I want to get better at being more patient. I don't want to yell so much. I don't want to say things I regret. I have to figure this out because I know it is only going to get harder. I think I am clear about my expectations but maybe I need to be more clear. CRYSTAL clear. Shiny, Windex clean clear. 

It's not all rainbows and butterflies is it? Chin up buttercup, today is a new day!

I found this great article by Amy Gross, Patience is a Skill, to be really helpful. 

1. First thing: Just stop. Catch the mind ranting that you shouldn't be in this situation—because you are. Give up the fight. You've lost the battle, but not the war.

2. Settle into the moment. You might feel your body ease down, yielding to gravity (wise move). Your shoulders and belly relax, your jaw too.

3. Go into your body with your mind's eye and find out how you know you're impatient. Are you tight, tense, breathing shallowly, clenching, jiggling? Where exactly? Focus on those sensations as closely as you can. Touch them with your mind.

4. See if you can open any tightness, breathe into any clenching. With a really ornery knot, give up trying to fix it and see if you can welcome it, make room for it.

Once your brain cools down, your powers of reason return. When you give up the fight, you get time. Time stretches. You sink into the moment, and it seems infinite. You have all the time in the world. 



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